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Walls of Communication!
Matters of the HEART are a true mystery to all involved!
In order to make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust in another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it is a very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with that trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will surely create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly trust another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. You are at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind of emotional attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are among those emotions now.
This is why communication is so important. It is the key to opening all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked and one will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. I am not saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, it can be done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass in the future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect, they will have only good memories to savor and smile upon in the future. Those are extremely important in tearing down those walls.
Communication is a very important act between two people. It even has more importance than *** to keep a relationship building stronger. In order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. If one mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in confusion and frustration.
Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry about the EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds to the color to our black and white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we all worried and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing. But only for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each other would get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds, but what would be the point if we thought and worried the same.
A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in a relationship. It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and also our own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then will we offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very important thing about a person sharing their inner most fears and disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person or walk away in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it and hear them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or nonsensical because you would never have those concerns. Remember the ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you both communicate, otherwise you will add another block to the wall of communication breakdown.
When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If we are not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, we will quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brick has then been set, the foundation of the wall to communication breakdown will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a single relationship that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall of communication.
There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationship together in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to page one and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental hearts we can get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in a relationship.
Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humans create, is to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word "regurgitate", because that's how I view having things being tossed back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovely habit (NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when we are in the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because we already know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheap and bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end up shooting old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem there is that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happening is that both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocks to the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.
Communication can only really work when neither party is being selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they are being attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is all about hurting them. They have automatically closed an open door without even realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feel this way. Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let the other party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfish act. That is why it is important that we take turns with each other and try to understand what is actually being said.
If one partner misunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to get them to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until the other person has completely finished.
This is why the power of writing is so productive. One person writes his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of being derailed from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all of their chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this, so listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdown is starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to each other is a very good way to bypass the wall.
Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helps you to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional when writing it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was just upset at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of us struggling with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.
Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that you will never be able to communicate with your partner again and just want to run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and why you are running from. Are you running from a partner that could very well be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with? Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you will run forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away is a cop out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight and trust that your partner will understand your troubles is a true sign of courage and one that will be greatly respected.
We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they did happen and that is what they are, past issues. To have your past continue to come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whether it is a person or just an experience, it should be left in the past. This is where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When we are made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimes makes them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to come about again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will be weak in defense and our ability to communicate positively will be almost non-existent.
Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threat to their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with through love and understanding. Again we must communicate with each other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and true fears.
That wall of communication breakdown will never completely come down if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrong that they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure most any mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing and honest with each other .
~D~
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"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."
- Anthony Robbins
"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and hugzzz"
-Dorothy
"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I think that love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as the better, not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the closest can share, with communication, respect,"
-Anonymous |
Posted: 7:36 AM, 10/15/2008 |
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I know that that sounds like something all of our parents and grandparents have said to us, but in actual fact the changes that have occurred in the last 50 years have been the most drastic and self-destructing!
Families of yesterday and today are so completely opposite that they tend to be foreign to each other.
Does it ever make you wonder why?
When I take a few minutes to just breathe, I cannot help but wonder how we, the people, have reached this point of existense. The point where the norm is now blended families, children with cell phones, *** in the middle schools, worse yet, a common conversation between people in a social environment or a workplace is now, nine time out of ten about their 'EX'.
Is it economics or the strive for women's equality?
Is it due to the fact that at the time of World War 2, women were placed in the work force because of the shortage of men?
I feel that by placing women in the workforce, presented opportunities for women and men to become more sociable with each other, which in turn created the question of whether their choice in mates was fulfilling or satisfying them. The beginning of a relationship threat!
Certain comparisons and doubts would begin when things at home were maybe not going as well as expected. Eventually that special person at home is not so special anymore. All of a sudden people at work seem so much more understanding and have more to offer. They seem to have it so much better! All of a sudden a commitment becomes just a bunch of letters and our self serving self gains control at all costs.
Then we have the crossroad when women began to demand certain equal rights.
It was not enough to just help out the economy and work in factories, now women wanted to have a choice of where they wanted to work. They began to demand choices of workplace. They demanded to be heard!
With women in the work force becoming a norm, where does that put the children of the then 'Family'?
It puts them in front of the television, being taught by a babysitter, raised in a daycare with other, 'wanted but have no time for' children. Last but not least the children become somewhat of a burden on the parents conscience. At that point the material world begins. The material substitutes begin to replace the love and affection that only time and presence can strengthen a child's confidence and self-esteem. Again the 'Family' changes!
The children of the new 'Family', become more independent and indifferent of what we may have know as 'Family'.
The husband and bread winner of the then 'Family' is now feeling less needed, less important and very much less than a man. This is where he begins to doubt himself and see his partner as a threat, not necessarily an equal. Another relationship threat!
We move forward to technology. Which is being proven to be a faster means to an end. People feel the need to shine and impress others outside of their families these days. The priorities have swung totally to the other side of life's pendulum.
The then 'Family' is no longer necessary nor does it fit the lifestyle of today. People care less about working on whats real and necessary to feed and strengthen a real 'Family', than they do about the biggest television screen, the newest car, pleasing everyone else but their 'Family'. The material world once again takes over the then 'Family'.
Some will ask, "who cares why we are at this point in life and why worry about what is already in the past?
It is not a matter of caring or worrying as it is a matter of understanding and just maybe redirecting some of our morals and ideas in our 'Family' unit.
After all is it not fact that our children are our future?
What exactly are you doing about setting precedent in your home besides talking or complaining about how awful things are becoming in our world?
We can learn from the 'Family' that holds tight and stays the course to keep their values positive and healthy.
Just in my slight comparison of 'Family', then and now, you can see where things have become unbalanced, self-centered, and full of negativity.
We can move forward with positive thoughts that will direct us to a more positive life if we CHOOSE to!
My thoughts do not apply to all people, but they do cover a large percentage of people in today's world.
I am not against equal rights.
I am however against equal rights for just women or just men. I am against unequal rights and extreme selfishness which is altogether different.
When men and women can understand that we are all people, I do believe then and only then will we be able to get along equally!
Live & Let Live!
~D~
DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com
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Posted: 9:39 AM, 3/30/2008 in Relationships |
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Liar liar...pants on fire....
As children we had already little rhymes that taught us that lies were not a good thing.
Lying, as any learned behavior is a very bad habit as are any negative habits... there are many reasons that people lie.
To lie with deliberation is definitely a control of one being self served.
Lying with out deliberation is where the habit has become a part of that persons way of life, being undeliberate now, which I beleive is even worse, because a person that is a habitual liar cannot not even differentiate reality from non reality. This person is dangerous and can be very confusing to live with.
Drug/alcohol addicts will fall into this lying area more than the controlled one because of the merry-go-round they are on. Lying becomes a way of survival and they will do it with pure passion and need to feed thier hunger.
IS lying a necessary part of life?
Hmmmm... Lets think about where we began:
When we are babies, do we lie?
Do we learn to play the game of control then?
Do babies cry because they know that they will be served through that action, or are they taught that crying will be self-serving?
Children will lie when they are taught that they can get away with something through that type of manipulation, or when they are lied too.
I remember when I was taught to lie...I went to the store for my mother and had change, with that change I bought a candy...when I went home, my mother asked me why I was ten cents short, and she continued..saying that if I tell her the truth I will not be scolded, so I told her the truth and she punished me severely.
Now unfortunately that was when my trust went down the tubes and from that point on, I lied in certain cases to protect myself.
A couple of not so good behaviours were taught to me from that one incident...I learnt to lie when I had to and I also learnt that my mother could not be trusted with her words.
From that day on, I learnt to play the game.
White lies as opposed to black lies: does that mean that white lies are good and black lies are bad?
Is that saying that lying has a positive means?
It can be very confusing, as most humans are.
A lie is a lie I have always tried to teach my children. When you lie to protect yourself it is still in a sense, self-serving which we are taught is wrong?
To lie to deceive another is definitely clearly wrong.
I would say that there are definitely gray areas when it comes to telling lies. But that it is not a necessary to life.
It depends on the person and their conscience. I know some people that could not tell a lie if their lives depended on it and I know people that will lie and will follow that lie with justification that they will bet their lives on.
I beleive it is a true learned behaviour as are so many of our negative emotions.
Also if we lived in a perfect world, would we ever have to feel like we have to lie?
Our world is full of negativity and elements of trickery and sometimes in order to battle these wars we need to use weapons that are not so positive to fight them.
We will never be able to control nor understand others in their methods to their madness. Live and let live is my way of thinking. We are only responsible for what we can control, that being our own minds and intentions!
Life can be confusing enough in our own little corners without trying to solve the worlds confusions.
Pandora Boxes are definitely a good brain twister and does wake up a lot of sleeping giants in Jacks beanstalk 
In any case practising and sharing positive habits and honesty will invite positive habits and honesty in return.
As Lyfe Jennings sings,"When you are trying to do positive things, positive results have got to follow"
Thats all I have to say about that!!!
Huggggzzzzz~D~! |
Posted: 9:01 AM, 3/27/2008 in Self-esteem |
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We feared nothing, we hated no one, we trust everything and everyone that we recognized.
We cried only when our bodies told us that we are in hunger or in pain.
We did not know the pain and loneliness of words...YET!
We grew in trust and belief in our early years because we had nothing else to compare our lives with YET!
Why does this safe world and total feeling of healthy self-worth and self-esteem stop?
The we enter our first year in the education system...all of a sudden things become contrary to what we knew up to then. We hear how different life can be in different households. We see how different others dress, eat and act towards others. We begin to grow away from our nest.
We move forward and continue into another year, then another, all along gathering memories of life as we experience it in the world of growth. Some memories are good and some are not so good. Some of us are strong enough to stand up to the negativity we experience and move along smoothly. Others are not so strong and fall into a whirlwind of abuse cycles called bully-ism and the abuse that goes along with that.
We fear not being accepted and then we fear that if we do not allow the abuse from the bullies that we will never get any attention ever from them. So in turn we allow the abuse. We become our own abusers of sorts. WE become driven to gain an acknowledgment or acceptance of any kind just to feel that we are alive in their eyes.
What do these bully's have over us, that we will allow, even welcome the abuse? Abuse that takes form in so many ways, whether it be physical, name calling, hazing, ridiculing and/or ***ual harassment.
Where do these bullies come from?
Where do they learn to hurt and hate just in the name of fun?
What about the kids that just follow along because of their fear of not being accepted? Are they bullies too?
There are many sides to this horrible world of bullies and victims. The bully had to learn or not learn civilized treatment of others somewhere. As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, we were born without hate and fear.
Where did the victim loose their sense of self-respect?
OR
Their strength to stand up and say STOP or NO?
These are questions that we must find the answers to if we are ever going to begin to learn how to overcome the issue of bullying.
Our children are becoming bullies and victims because of how they feel about themselves inside and/or what they are perceiving is simply fun and games.
I have attached a story that comes from my community. This is way to close to home even for me.
Please read this and instead of reading the names of the children that you see...replace the names with your children's names.
Do not be fooled...this is a reality that your children and mine are living every day even if they do not make you aware of it.
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Police: 3 DeLand school teens plotted murder
By ROSA RAMIREZ
Staff Writer DELAND -- Three DeLand Middle School students, including one who claimed to admire the shooters of the Columbine High School massacre, face felony charges for reportedly plotting to shoot classmates and then themselves, authorities said Friday.
The Volusia County Sheriff's Office took all three students -- two boys and a girl -- into custody and is charging them with conspiracy to commit murder. The three seventh-graders have been transported to the Volusia Regional Juvenile Detention Center in Daytona Beach, sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson said.
The teens were identified by authorities as Austin Mohr, Tyler Christian and Charlene Russell, all 13. Davidson said the State Attorney's Office will determine if the teens will be charged as juveniles or adults.
Davidson said the plot was uncovered March 5 after a student who was not involved received a text message from Austin Mohr saying he wanted to shoot students at the school during lunch break. The teen who received the instant message told a family member, and the adult notified authorities.
Mohr posed as a 19-year-old boy on a MySpace Web page with "satanic references, a picture of a tombstone and other disturbing images," Davidson said in a statement.
Mohr had also posted on the social network site that he admired two shooters responsible for the 1999 massacre at Columbine High School in Colorado.
In the text message, Mohr directed his rage against two students, in particular, but went on to say he would kill "every person I see . . . The massacre will happen soon."
The teen, who claimed he was being teased and picked on at school, wrote that he wanted to lock the cafeteria door during one of the lunch periods and shoot people there, authorities said.
"The good news is that several people did the right thing along the way," Davidson said Friday during a news briefing at the middle school. "It enabled us to begin the investigation very quickly. The (principal) was instrumental in identifying some of the students involved in the conspiracy."
Showing up at the news briefing, Charlene Russell's sister, Melissa, 16, said her sister "has never been like this before."
Melissa Russell said her sister was in choir, made good grades and was on the honor roll. But after breaking up with her boyfriend, she "just has been talking about doing nothing."
Charlene Russell feels bad and would take it back if she could, her sister said. After Austin Mohr started talking about plans for the shooting, Charlene Russell "went along with it because she didn't know what else to do," Melissa Russell said.
Days earlier, Melissa Russell said, her sister lay on a set of railroad tracks in Orange City and had to be pulled away minutes before a train rolled by.
Attempts to reach relatives of the other teens were not successful Friday evening.
After the threats came to light, all three students received mental-health evaluations, Davidson said, including one who was taken into a facility under the state's Baker Act.
"The investigators determined the students did not appear to have weapons or means to carry out the threats," he said.
The students were automatically removed from the school when the plot was uncovered, Davidson said.
Volusia County Schools spokeswoman Nancy Wait said DeLand Middle School Principal Matt Krajewski sent a message to parents after news of the events was released Friday, stressing that students' safety on campus was not compromised at any time.
"We learned a lot from Columbine, and one of the lessons was to listen and take action," Wait said.
Wait said the students meet weekly for 20 minutes during homeroom to talk about bullying on campus.
"This school has a very strong anti-bullying campaign," Wait said.
rosa.ramirez@news-jrnl.com
~D~
DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com
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Posted: 6:49 PM, 3/16/2008 in Self-esteem |
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 We all seek the answer to the why a relationship fails.
We all look to blame anyone else but ourselves most of the time.
Relationships are one of the biggest gambles of time, that we will invest in in our lives.
For those of you that chose careers instead, there are also risks.
Some of us jump right back into another relationship even before we have had time to change our sheets!
We feel that it is necessary to do this in order to feel less pain from the last attempt.
We feel also that if we get involved quickly, we will can control the reality of our own failed part played in the failed relationship.
We do not give ourselves enough time to stop and think. Yes, sometimes we seriously need to do just that.
Once we gather all of our broken pieces and feelings of humiliation, then we need to step back and retrace our steps!
It is no different than losing an important coin or object. We immediately retrace our footsteps in order to find it.. Using that analogy in a relationship situation, it will help you to understand just where things began to fall away.
I have read many good books and articles on strategies and tips regarding finding that perfect relationship or that completely compatible mate, and I always come to this one single thought....action=reaction. Without action on my own individual part in creating a perfect mate, how can I expect anyone else to be perfect for me or how can I even identify one when I have no clue if I myself can fill that need. Which brings me to a certain author who has shared his many deep thoughts and understandings of men in his writings.
I have to say that Christan Carter has definitely pointed us (woman) in the right direction. It is very helpful to men in turn also because they are the winners in the end also.
In saying that, I am posting a few more links to even more effective reads from the author of Catch Him & Keep Him....Christan Carter!
Also try out this article!
Good Luck & try to really understand who you are before you take that step out into the game of seeking a mate!!
Keep moving forward!
~D~
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Posted: 3:32 PM, 2/15/2008 in Relationships |
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 ABUSE!!! Bullying in School!Bullying is another form of abuse that takes place in schools every day. It does not have to be sexual or even by an adult. Bullying is what is happening to our children by other children. It is ABUSE!
If you saw your child being tripped or hit by another...would you not stop that child?
Would you not take precautions to never, ever allow it to happen again?
Would you allow another person's child to be bullied?
Would you not put the safety and protection of every child that attends a school first and foremost?
They say that, "The apple does not fall far from the tree" . Well is your tree healthy and strong, with good morals and genuine honesty? Are the apples that are falling from your tree carrying out the same attitudes and directions?
Where do you think a bully learns to bully? Children are not born to know how to spell any more than they know how to bully. It is truly a learned behaviour and they had to have learned it from somewhere.
What does your child watch on television?
What does your child see at his/her home in the form of bullying?
What does your child have to put up with when no one is there to protect him/her from parents or other siblings?
Bullying is ABUSE and it begins at home! It begins where an innocent is born into a world of difference and error.
Children begin school with a certain amount of trust and excitement. That is how it should be and how it should remain. BUT it does not, I am sad to say. We send our children to school to gain an education so that their lives can be successful and well built through the tools of education.
How many more people will have to endure bullying in their lives because others are too caught up in their own agendas, school politics, budgets...ect?
So tell me...are you going to help STOP the bullying before it erases any chance of a healthy self-esteem for our future generations?
I would like you to read this article that a young girl from England wrote to me in regards to her life and how bullying has affected her.
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Bullying in school.
Hi, My name is Kylie, and I am 19 years old. I feel strongly about bullying, because I have been bullied in the past. I hope you all find my article helpful. I hope that you enjoy reading it. And i believe that anyone reading this article that has been bullied, is taking the first step by reminding yourself, that you may be being bullied.
For as long as I remember, there has been some kind of bullying in schools. Whether you weren't smart enough, your appearance, even your personality wasn’t good enough were some of the reasons why bullying took place.
I hate how some people can bully another person because they aren’t like them, and because they see something in another they don’t like about themselves. Bullying begins at an early age, and I think it’s wrong. We have so much pain and suffering in this world as it is, why do we need one more thing? Can you not see that it is about not treating others fairly and that it’s wrong?
Many schools say they have certain policies in place, but if/when you try and report it, they don’t do anything about it.
How can some people be so judgmental on how other people are, do they think it’s fair to judge another person because they are different than them? How can that be right?
Who gave YOU the right to judge another person?
Do you wonder why there is so many people with mental illness today? Maybe it is because one of the main factors for it, is due to the neglect and ignornce of schools today.
Do you really think that being bullied to whatever extent isn’t going to harm that person not only physically, but emotionally, mentally and intellectually?
If only people would do something to stop this happening, do you really think there would be so many people with depression, low self-esteem, and confidence issues? I don’t think so.
It’s because of what happens in schools, that causes them to think negatively about themselves, to actually try and want to suicide. How can it be right? The victims of bullying just go unnoticed, people don’t seem to care, about the victims, most people just pass by, without giving a thought to how that person must be feeling.
I was bullied for all my high school life, and it’s not a nice feeling.
No matter how many times you report it nothing gets done, and I think that is wrong. It shouldn’t be that way. There should be something in place to stop this from happening. I am not saying you can stop it totally, because you probably can’t but isn’t it worth trying to at least stop some of it?
Through the bullying I experienced, everything inside of me got depressed pretty quick, lonleyness was my safest and best friend. I know what it’s like and there must be other people that are like me, but I am beating the bullies, I am saying stop to all of the memories of hurt and fear.
I'm saying, you can too. I am not saying that violence, or self-destruction is the answer because we all know that they doesn’t solve anything. But you can’t let them get away with it, make sure something is done, tell a teacher, tell your parents, tell as many people as you can, so they can help you. If nothing is done just keep telling, until someone gets the message. You have to fight your way through this life, and you don’t want to be miserable for the rest of your life, so remember you can beat it. You are strong enough, just listen to that inner voice of yours. And stand and be proud.
I hope that this has helped, and this is only my point of view and I respect that everyone else has other opinions than I do. So I am just trying to give my opinion and what has helped for me. I hope it helps even just a little bit.
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Here is a video that I think fits the message that we are trying to send!
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Posted: 5:36 PM, 12/2/2007 in Abuse and Survival |
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Good Day to everyone!
I wish that my thoughts could be on a more positive note, but the events that I will be sharing with you do not warrant very much along the lines of positive vibes. I am going to share a few thoughts in regards to a huge issue that has plagued our world what seems to be forever. This issue is child abuse through ***ual harassment.
The more information I come across involving adults and children in any type of ***ual misconduct or abuse, the more I wonder if anyone is actually hearing these cries for help. What exactly are you, as parents reading and hearing through all of the information out there, warning you to SUPERVISE your children?
Why are people blaming the police departments and/or the actual abuser, for so much of the abuse that is happening in our schools and right in our homes today. It really is past time that you take a real hard look at just who is first and foremost responsible for allowing even a single opportunity for abuse to occur.
I am not saying that we can control the actions of others, but what I am saying, no what I am screaming out here is these facts:
- there is more than enough information out there for parents, educating them on the do' s and don' ts of monitoring your children and their computer time.
-there are so many good programs that are free of charge that you can put on your computer so that when you are not watching your child's doings, the program is.
-remember who the parent is when your child demands and whines that he/she can make their own decisions.
-common sense will tell you that a child left alone will seek out a new mentor or friend.
-teach your child to communicate and to understand what ***ual touching is.
-get to know your own child's moods and expressions.
I can go on and on with tips and red flags for you to watch out for. The important question is, will you listen and then will you apply this information in your own home with your children?
Have you ever asked yourself these questions?
Why do you lock your doors and spend money on high tech security? Is it not to keep predators out of your home?
Why is it that you as parents spend a lot of time and money on food, medicine, the latest style in clothing, the latest game technology, not to mention the most updated computers? Is it out of care and concern for your children in regards to their ability to live a happy and healthy balanced lifestyle?
Why then do you not spend as much time and money on concerns of who they are spending time with on their computers, who they are meeting after school, who is buying them that new top or game-boy?
Do you know who your child's primary person of influence is when he/she leaves the house?
Why, if you are such a concerned and caring parent are you allowing a ***ual predator to take advantage of your child's innocence right in your very own home?
When you can actually answer these questions, then and only then will you be able to apply the most important rule of protecting your children.
Children are 100% pure innocence. This innocence puts them in a very vulnerable place, which makes them far too easily lead and steered in the wrong direction. To be left alone to make their own choices at too early an age, is in fact inviting their demise. This has been a fact since birth. Children are not experienced enough to deal with predators or understand ingenuous minds.
Predators are out there and they always have been, even before the Internet phase of our world began.
I, myself taught my children 30 + years ago to NEVER talk to strangers. There were no in Internet concerns then, but in our world of human error and weakness, there were already malicious predators stalking our children and robbing them of their innocence.
People, WAKE UP!
Hear these warnings and cries, they are of real concern for the innocent victims. You can make a difference. You can protect your children through action and applying effective strategies. Do not allow predators into your home.
Television is yet another predator that you blindly allow into your home to steal the innocence of your children. Again with proper supervision and rules, you can also control this form of child abuse.
I have listed below a few good links to help you as parents protect your children:
http://www.wiredsafety.org/internet_predators/index.html
http://www.wiredsafety.org/special_programs/behind_every_picture/index.html
http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminal_mind/***ual_assault/internet_predators/1_index.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9878187/
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/parent_internetsafety.php
http://www.ikeepsafe.org/?gclid=CIfAv8SBoI8CFRAggAodo0ZEHQ
http://www.microsoft.com/windows/products/windowsvista/features/details/parentalcontrols.mspx
http://www.pcsndreams.com/Pages/News_Archives/000115.htm
I will leave you with this thought:
As a parent, you chose the responsibility of protecting the innocence of a child. Your child did not ask to be brought into this world unarmed. Please arm your children through your actions!
ONWARD & UPWARD!
~D~
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Posted: 6:33 AM, 10/21/2007 in Abuse and Survival |
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http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Hello and Happy July to one and all!
I have recently been irritated by a very serious matter. One that has been going on for years and is still going on. No I am not talking about the questionable war, or immigration ignorance.
I am talking about what we are allowing to happen to our children. I am talking about standing by and knowingly allowing the innocent to suffer.
I am talking about FOSTER CARE!
Is it not so, that we are born with a neutral self-esteem and that the second we are in touch with reality, we begin the loss or gain of it?
Do we really think that a child that is given up to a foster care agency is going to have a chance in strengthening their self-esteem?
Does it raise ones self-esteem to know that they have just given their innocent child to the wolves?
How can a social worker or law enforcement agency actually believe that they are doing the right thing?
What happens to all of these foster children when their term is up, in otherwords they are deemed adults and tossed into the world with as little as knowing right from wrong?
What is the system doing for them at this point?
Then I question our judicial system that has openly allowed this nightmare to take place.
If there is enough funding to pay people to 'care' for these innocent children, then why is it a continuous excuse to cut back on the workers that are necessary to over see the rules and regulations on behalf of the safety and expected care of the innocent children (victims)?
Why are these rules and regulations, not made an extreme priority to these foster care wardens and constantly overseen ? Is that not where the concerns of these children's welfare lay?
I use the word 'wardens' because I cannot think of another word best suited for what too many of these so-called foster parents stand for.
Now please do not misunderstand me, I do know that there are a select few people that are upstanding and very caring towards the foster children.
In the defense of these few good people, the foster rules are such that a foster parent must not cross the line and actually show love for these children. Talk about a contradiction here.
Is this to say that, IF you choose to be a foster parent, your care and concern should never go past the level of caring for your neighbors dog?
Well it is pure fact that being treated like a dog is more pleasant than how some of these innocent children are being treated.
Then we should remove the idea behind foster parenting which is a basic holding place for these unwanted children until their parents are given a second, third and in some cases fourth chance to grow up. This should be replaced with a 0 tolerance in the defense of the parents and shift the defense to innocent children that did not ask for substance abusive, or unfit parents.
My thoughts are to allow these innocent children a chance to have a healthy self-esteem and quality of life, we must have only adoption. Abolish this torture chamber of foster care, and replace it with a more committed life for these children.
I also believe that the negative of a child being separated from their birth parents falls far down on the scale of importance when the child is facing years of abuse and loss 0f self-worth.
I think it is time that our justice system goes back to school and relearn what is really going on out there. Of course with that suggestion, I am holding hopes that it is not known to them how wrong their system is.
For the people with power that hide and ignore all of the pain and hurt that these children are enduring...SHAME ON YOU!
For all the innocent children of the foster care system, I truly pray for your well being.
**12 Foster Care Prayer Requests**
1. Pray for the children entering foster care today, that they find an appropriate, kind and loving foster family to care for them until their birth families or relatives are able to do so.
2. Pray for the sibling groups of children entering foster care today, that they will be placed together in one foster home.
3. Pray for all the foster children in care, that their first foster home is also their last foster home, as multiple placements rob children of stability and love which is required to build the self-esteem needed to grow into responsible, caring adults.
4. Pray that more singles, couples and families become foster parents.
5. Pray that all children in out-of-home care will quickly return to a safe home or find an alternative permanent and loving home.
6. Please pray for God's intervention with all families, particularly those struggling against alcohol and drug abuse, and mental illness, to enable them to successfully complete programs for recovery, and allow the reunification of foster children to safe and caring birth families.
7. Please pray that the federal, state and local governments, will see the plight of so many of our children whose families are wrecked by drug and alcohol abuse, and work toward prevention and increasing services for addicts, particularly addicts with children.
8. Pray that God blesses all the Division of Youth and Families Services caseworkers and staff who make decisions daily which have a huge impact on the lives of children and families. Their job is a thankless one, requiring walking a thin line, in that they are continually criticized for being too intrusive, removing children too quickly; and for not acting quickly enough, whenever a child is abused.
9. When a family reunification is unlikely in a reasonable time period, we pray that God's hand guides the judges at termination of parental rights trials to make their decision in the child's best interest. God bless the judges who must decide whether or not children return to birth families or become freed for adoption.
10. Pray for all those children whose birth families are unable to care for them, are freed for adoption, but have nobody willing to give them a forever home. Although more than 80 percent of foster children freed for adoption are adopted by their foster families, today there are 500 children awaiting forever homes in New Jersey.
11. Pray that foster and adoptive families and their children receive the support and understanding of their communities.
12. Bless those who put idea into action and make a positive difference in the lives of children, particularly children in foster care.
**Author of 12 prayers: Janet Farrand is a 15 year foster and adoptive parent, President of Foster and Adoptive Family Services!
I would like to also share with you my book review on a book that I highly recommend you read.
"Survival Of The Fittest..One Child's Life in a Fostyer Care System", by Lauretta Ali
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/survivalofthefittestbookreview.html
I will end my thoughts here!
~D~
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Posted: 7:40 AM, 7/1/2007 in Abuse and Survival |
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http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Hey all.. I would like to share with you this article in regards to abuse that was posted on my WSE forum. I cannot feed you enough information that will help you gain strength and knowledge to make your world a better place. Please read this and DO NOT belittle your situation. ABUSE is unforgivable and not acceptable. NOONE has the right to abuse mentally or physically. It maddens me to no end to even think that after all the information that is out there trying to reach women in an emotional or physically abusive relationship, that there are still so many women living that invisible prison. I just did a review on the book called, " An Invisible Prison..A True Story Of Survival"
It is a book that made me cry and scream all at the same time. Again to know that abuse is still being allowed makes me crazy.
Abuse will continue to happen as long as you ALLOW it. A bully will always back down when he knows that he cannot bully anymore. A dog will only bark as long as it is allowed to bark. Ladies please...take the information available to you to heart and leave that abuser.
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Since so much wonderful domestic violence information was bestowed upon me, the least I can do is share some of it....
1. Does your partner continually monitor your time and
make you account for every minute?
2. Does your partner ever accuse you of having affairs
or act suspicious you are?
3. Is your partner ever rude to your friends?
4. Does your partner ever discourage you from starting
new friendships?
5. Do you feel isolated and alone, as if you have no-
body to confide in?
6. Is your partner over critical of daily things such as
your work, school, or your appearance...?
7. Does your partner demand strict account of how
your money is spent?
8. Does your partner's mood change radically, from
very calm to very angry or vice verse?
9. Is your partner disturbed by you having or wanting
activities or work outside your home?
10. Does your partner become angry more easily if
drinking?
11. Does your partner pressure you for sex much more
often that you would like?
12. Does your partner become angry if you don't want
to go along with request for sex or become angry
if you will not do a specific act?
13. Do you quarrel much over financial matters?
14. Do you quarrel much over having children or raising
them?
15. Does your partner ever strike you with hands or
feet (slap, punch, kick, etc)?
16. Does your partner ever strike you with an object?
17. Does your partner ever threaten you with an object
or a weapon?
18. Has your partner every threatened to kill you or
commit suicide?
19. Does your partner ever give you visible injuries
(such as welts, bruises, cuts, lumps on the head)?
Abuse takes many forms emotional, economic, intimidation, sexual, using the children as pawns, threats, isolation....but is always about power and control.
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Thank You and huggz Avonlea!
My heart goes out to all the victims of abuse whether it be mental or physical.
Huggzzzzz~D~
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Posted: 9:58 PM, 8/19/2006 in Abuse and Survival |
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Hey all you beautiful people. I hope that everyone is doing the best that they can with what life has given them. Keep in mind we only have this one life to live and that every second that goes unappreciated is gone forever. Also keep in mind that a Woman`s Self-Worth is a Woman`s Self Survival!
Women are faced with so many more challenges these days and life just seems to really tug at our self-esteem and self-worth.
We go from feeling on top of the world, to feeling like yesterdays floor rag in just one wrong word.
There are so many of us that truly see ugly when we look into the mirror, why is that?
No matter what our lovers or family or even our friends tell us, we still only see ugly every time we look at our reflection.
Where did life go wrong to turn our brains, our thoughts and our visions against ourselves?
Why do we have to try and explain our hormones, I mean is it not enough that we have to deal with the roller-coaster symptoms that plague us monthly?
Why do we have to feel guilty for being a women?
Why do only women bleed?
Why do we get stereotyped because we feel emotions, emotions that we were born with?
Why do young women cut themselves?
Is it because they can only experience real feelings when they do this?
Is it that they feel control over that one thing in their lives?
Do they do it out of a form of punishment, that they feel they deserve because just maybe somewhere in their lives they were wronged and could not stop the wrong?
Why do they not see that there are people in this world that do care and that do want to share their feelings with them?
Is there not enough self-help books, therapists, or positive information sites available to people in need, that they have to resort to destroying themselves due to a void that cannot be filled?
Why do women spend thousands of dollars because they feel that natural aging is wrong and something to be discarded or replaced?
Why do women starve themselves?
Is it to fit into too small of clothing?
Is it to fit a worlds idea of what is acceptable now?
Or is it to feel good about themselves?
I wish that I had all the answers to these questions.
I wish that I could save every woman on this planet from emotional suffering.
I wish that I could tell each and every one of you exactly what you need to hear every time we speak to each other, that being "You have Self-Worth and it is your Self Survival".
I wish that you never had to be hurt or lied to or deceived by anyone.
But mostly I wish that women could fall in love with who they are and never, ever lose that thought.
Life is not funny, people have said that it is. I do not see anything funny about it, with all the diseases and sufferings that people have to endure, I hear no laughing.
I do not see anything funny about addictions to drugs, pornography, alcohol, child abuse, spousal abuse, self abuse, eating disorders, or any other horrible life imprisoning issue.
War is certainly not something to laugh about, watching children starve on television really is not funny, nor does listening to how our education system has failed our future warrant a smile either.
I wish I could say, "poof " and all of this garbage that life has presented to us, would just turn into a field of beautiful flowers.
Do you ever feel like you are going ten steps forward and fifty backwards?
Do you ever feel like you just figured everything out and then one thing totally turns that upside down?
Don`t you just hate that?
I certainly do, I hate all of the negative things that try to take space in my brain and twist it to death.
Do you ever just want to turn your on button off, so that you can sleep just one night without having a nightmare or waking up feeling like, what is good in your life can be stolen away from you at any second?
Do you ever wonder why we are being challenged with all of this turmoil?
I have and I spend every second of my day, trying to figure out ways to help women not feel at least one of these things that I have stated above.
This is why I have created womensselfesteem.com. I have tried to make a small little corner in this unsafe world a safe place available to all women, that just need that little bit of time out in their day to not feel worry or ugly.
There is not one women in this world that is not worth it.
There is not one women in this world that should go on a second longer without the knowledge of how, "A Women`s Self-Worth is a Women`s Self Survival".
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One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
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As I have said many, many times, we, women must know our worth, taste our worth, feel our worth, see our worth, but most of of we women must SHOW our worth. How else will the world even begin to understand, 'A WOMANS WORTH' and what it means to her Self Survival!
DorothyL
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Posted: 7:25 PM, 4/12/2006 in Self-esteem |
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